i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
