he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
