so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
