woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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