The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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