Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
