I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
