She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
