So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
