Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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