...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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