I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
