I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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