plz talk dirty to me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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