how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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