I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
