My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
