Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
