I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
