I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
