The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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