I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i now understand why vodka
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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