i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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