he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
