There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
