i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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