Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
