I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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