who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
