Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize