he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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