jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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