Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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