Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
