If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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