Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
