Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
