I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
