3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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