I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
