And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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