oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
