youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
