dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize