no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
