I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
