I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
