Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize