Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize