If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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