are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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