there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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