you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
