Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
