I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
organizing the empties. That sober.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
