omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Shame is for Republicans.
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