I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish you could order shots online.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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