I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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