she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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