Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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