the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
