I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize