My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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