There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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