So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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