I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
