I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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