I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
