hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
