so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
