I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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