I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
