RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
