Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My vagina is very pro this idea
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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