and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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