Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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