The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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