So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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