and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
