I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
