Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
