apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
