he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
