I have demons in me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
