i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
