I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
