why didn't you poke me back
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so let's talk penis.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
