Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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