he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
