I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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