You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
