Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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