I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
