Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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