His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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