the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
