no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
