My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
