Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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