4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
