I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
