do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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