once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
