Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
